Day Eleven: A Dozen Reasons
My biggest miracle to date has been the word no. God has told me no for five years.
I have cried. I have begged. I have been to the doctor, I have had tests. I have worried and stressed and tried to control my inability to get pregnant.
I am reminded daily, of my infertility. I will see a beautiful pregnant woman here, or a smiling baby over there. I walk by maternity sections in the department stores or see advertisements for diapers on television. A movie, a song, or a little yellow sign on the car in front of me, stating Baby On Board, all of these things have been painful reminders that I have an empty womb.
I have cried more than you know. I have been envious of pregnancy announcements, cute gender reveal ideas, and my mind has been dominated with dreams of telling my husband we are pregnant, and seeing his beautiful reaction.
I have fought my infertility tooth and nail, with supplements, and exercise, organic foods, chemical free household cleaners and skin care products. I have spent a small fortune on fertility testing, ovulation prediction kits, and pregnancy tests that always say no. No, has been a recurrent word in my life. No, no, no, no.
For a long time, I refused to hear the word no. I fought my infertility with everything that I have had the power to do so with, just stopping short of IVF. In Vitro Fertilization, with the average price tag being around $18,000, with absolutely no guarantees, I simply can’t afford to even think about it.
I have tried to control life itself. Life, the creation of it, and the end of it, are beyond my control, your control, and the doctor’s control. Nobody controls life but God himself. I simply had to let go. Let go, let God.
You see, the word no has changed me. It has improved my life, my relationships, my prayers.
No has brought me closer to God. No has changed me, from the inside out, and I am here to thank God for telling me no.
Looking back, I realize that I would not be where I am at now, if God had said yes in the very beginning.
I no longer drink any alcohol. None. I had a problem with alcohol that I didn’t want to admit to. I am now so free and clear from it’s dangerous hold on my life, that I will never go back to turning to a drink to soothe my brokenness. All because God told me no.
I used to smoke. I quit to improve my odds of conception. Would I have quit had I become pregnant easily? I can’t say. While I know I would of quit for my baby, I can’t say that I wouldn’t of been lured back to it after giving birth. It’s been years since I smoked, and while it was extremely difficult to quit, I wouldn’t go back to it now, for anything, because God told me no.
I take better care of my body, mindful of what goes into it, and what goes on it. My health is better, because God told me no.
I wouldn’t have this beautiful little home right now, or be driving the new car that I have just bought, because I wouldn’t of been able to work as much as I have been able to, or wherever I wanted to, if God hadn’t said no.
I have had five glorious years to enjoy my husband, learn more about him, and have him all to myself. I have had the pleasure of freedom to do whatever I please, whenever I please, go wherever I please, all because God told me no.
I have begun to write again, a lifelong dream, a dream I always put on the back burner. Even after many teachers in my past told me I had a future with writing. Even after encouragement from others, I didn’t believe in myself, and wouldn’t be writing this right now, if God hadn’t said no. Now I write for the love of writing and everything I write is because of His hand on my life. I have started to write a book, because He has given me the courage and strength to do so, something that wouldn’t have happened, had God not said no.
I have connected with other people of faith, other people who are hurting, and have learned to look inside a person’s heart, all because God told me no.
I have learned to deal with my anxiety, my depression, and my self-induced stress. I have learned to let go of everything and everyone that was toxic in my life, all because God said no.
Most importantly, I have grown closer to my Lord. I have cried to Him, complained to Him, confessed my fears and worries to Him, I have searched for Him with all my heart, and I have truly found Him, all because He told me no.
God’s no has strengthened me. God’s no has improved me. God’s no has grown my faith, healed my body, settled my mind, and soothed my soul. God has transformed me beyond my wildest dreams. I am finally happy. It has taken me a long time to find this happiness, and it’s all because God said no.
To me, God’s no has been a miracle. My faith has become so strong through my pain, and the very pain that brought me closer to Him, He has eliminated.
I am no longer afraid, I am no longer sad. I am free, and I am excited to wake up every morning to see what He has planned for me.
He has opened my heart, my mind, and my eyes. I have seen burning bushes and special butterflies, had amazing visitors, and amazing notes from strangers, all because He said no.
I have new friends. People I would never have met, had God not said no.
I have you. Yes you. I have the person reading this, right now, in my heart, and I am thankful for you. The person reading this, who God loves just as much as He loves me. You wouldn’t be reading this right now, had God not said to me, no.
So, my question for you, my friend, is this. Has God told you no? Is there something you have been praying for that He hasn’t seemed to answer? I want you to think on that, and examine it. Think about what that denial has done to you or for you. Or what it will do. I promise that a no can bring you so much closer to Him, and that is the best place to be. A no can be the best thing that ever happened to you, while he prepares you for your yes. And your yes will be better than you ever imagined it could be.
My own personal no has prepared me for the day when He says yes. That is my faith speaking, loud and clear, stronger than it ever was five years ago, before he told me no.
One day, I believe that I will look back on this no, and see that it was a not yet. I will know that He strengthened me, watched me grow and blossom, and prepared me for my future yes.
God answers all prayers. Sometimes a no is not a denial, but simply a delay, for a better you, a better plan, a better yes. God’s timing is perfect. His ways are perfect. Maybe it’s time we stop pushing for our right now answers, and wait for His right way answers. It’s time to grow while we wait.
I’m still waiting. I’m still growing. I don’t know how long I’ll be waiting, but I know that for me, the wait will be worth it. God’s no is the best thing that ever happened to me. Ever.
So, for now, I thank God for my miracle of an unanswered prayer, and thank Him in advance for when he says yes, for He has been perfecting and preparing me.
God said no. And it makes me smile. His wisdom is perfect.
I say thank you, God. Thank you for loving me enough to say no. I trust Your ways, more than my own. I trust your no. Finally, I trust in You.
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Tomorrow is the last day of my Dozen Reasons series. See you tomorrow, I’m excited to share it with you!
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Romans 8:28 NLT
Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the Lord !