Addicted

Drugs. Food. Alcohol. Cigarettes. Vaping. Social media. Cosmetic procedures. Gadgets. Video games. Shopping. Working. Exercising. Self-mutilation. Pornography. Stealing. Cheating. Lying. Caffeine. Gambling. The Internet. Sex.

The list goes on and on, and then on some more. You can become addicted to anything and everything. Many of us have had, or still struggle with an addiction of some type. Some addictions are minor, like too much coffee (maybe because we always stay up too late playing with our phones) or biting our nails.

Other habits are killing us, as we continue to slip a needle in our arm or pop a pill in our mouth, or down a 12 pack to evade our own personal realities, to escape our own personal hells.

Except that we aren’t really escaping hell. We are on a runaway train full of self-destructive tendencies. We are just fueling the fires, fanning the flames, and hell is really hot and really miserable.

My own personal hell, full of my own personal addictions, was tearing me apart piece by mental piece. I could have lost everything and everyone I cared about. I didn’t. I am one of the fortunate ones.

If you are like me, you may be more prone to becoming addicted, because of something screwy in the wiring of your brain. Like me, you may be more likely than others to become hooked, being one of the so-called addictive personalities. It sucks. Bad. Really bad.

But suck it up, buttercup, because there is hope. If I can beat hell, if I can beat my addictions, anyone can. I promise you that.

I am not that strong. I am weak. I wasn’t strong enough to do it on my own, but Jesus sure was. My Savior saved me, and He can save you too.

Yes, I am one of those people. I am an addict. I can become hooked on something quicker than you can blink, and I ride the high as fast and as hard as I can. I overdo it, and my old motto of go hard or go home, while competitive and fierce, was going to land me in a mental institution or a coffin. Luckily (for me) I am still alive, and I am not required to wear a straight jacket.

I was a drunk. I turned to alcohol to fix my hurts, something I never planned on, back when I first started drinking to overcome my shyness and social anxiety. I was also a gambler. I blew more money than I care to know about, money I didn’t have to spend. The more I spent, the more financial trouble I would cause for myself, and I was in a constant state of panic. The only thing that seemed to quell my fear was booze, and I was stuck in a never ending circle of pain, losing, fear and shame. I never, ever want to go back there. I won’t. That girl doesn’t exist anymore, except in memories that I won’t let myself forget, lest I turn back down that path to personal torture.

I smoked too much. Everything I drank that didn’t have alcohol in it contained caffeine. To this day I don’t know how my internal organs didn’t shut down, because I basically survived on booze and coffee. I’m sure my kidneys were silently screaming for water, but I ignored them. I drank the beer to get through my nights. I passed out. I drank the coffee to get through my day. Then repeated. Day in and day out, chain smoking my nasty cigarettes as I struggled through my own existence.

This wasn’t life. This was a blurry haze of functioning, surrounded by a cloud of smoke, and the relentless pursuing of a buzz. It was a buzz that I was constantly chasing, all while spending most of my hard earned dollars on a noisy, flashing machine that was set up to suck all the money and happiness out of me.

I quit. I am a quitter. I am proud to have quit all of the drinking, the smoking, the gambling. I never did do drugs, because the small part of my brain that wasn’t screwed up by alcohol somehow knew that drugs would have toppled me over the cliff of addiction and abuse, but I know that had I been addicted to a drug, I would have quit that too. God would see to it.

So how did I personally quit? I flipped the script. I allowed myself to be addicted, to be an addict.

You see, the word addict can be positive too. You can be an addict of anything, and you should be! Have I lost you yet?

I want you to be addicted.

Feed that addict inside you, but feed it the right stuff. You can train that brain to search for a different high. A good high. The best high ever. Get addicted to God. It is by far, the best, most exhilarating, never boring, addiction you could ever have.

The more you know Him, the more you desire him. The more you desire Him, the more you crave Him. You want more and more and more.

I turned to God at my weakest. I always loved Him, but I never reached for Him until I hit an all time low, pretty much rock bottom. It was God, or alcoholism. I made the right choice. I chose life. Real life, not an altered reality.

I am still addicted. I am addicted to talking to God, and listening to Him. I am addicted to talking about God. I am addicted to helping others beat their addictions, I am addicted to helping others, period. The high you get from helping another struggling human is beyond compare. It feels so good. It feels like a little piece of heaven in your heart, and it beats the heck out of self torture and self inflicted pain.

If you are struggling with a serious addiction please talk to God. Pour your heart out, scream or cry if you need to, but please reach out to Him. He will show you a way. Get help. Now. The time is NOW.

If you are not struggling with a serious addiction, but need to quit something to better yourself or to make more time for family, friends and God, talk to Him. Pray. The time is NOW.

If you know someone who needs help, then help. How? Pray. Step up to the battle by getting on your knees. I can not tell you enough how powerful prayer is. The time is NOW.

As my husband and I both get ready to celebrate our fourth anniversary of complete sobriety, (yes we did it together with God’s help) on January 3rd, it would mean the world to me if you would stop reading right now, close your eyes, and say a prayer. Pray for yourself, pray for another, and thank Him. God is so very good, if we allow Him into our lives, if we become addicted.

For the first time in my life I am proud to be addicted. To God. To the Bible. To creating. Praying. Helping. Giving. Loving. Writing. Trying. Living. Worshipping. Smiling. Laughing. Trusting, Shining. The list goes on and on and then on some more. And the list is so very good, because God is so very good.

God bless,

Nay Towell

If you like what I do, please support me by sharing, or following me on Instagram @humblegirl1111 or my Facebook page at Nay Towell. You can also scroll to the bottom of the page and buy me a coffee! Your support means the world to me!

If you need help or are interested in specific things I did to personally overcome addiction to alcohol, contact me and I will email you. You can do this!

As for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me.
Psalm 55:16

Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me.
Psalm 66:16

But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.
1 Timothy 1:16

“Don’t be afraid,” Samuel reassured them. “You have certainly done wrong, but make sure now that you worship the Lord with all your heart, and don’t turn your back on him.
1 Samuel 12:20

… But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord .”
Joshua 24:15

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