cRaZy People

She’s so crazy! Did you see what she did? Tell me that you actually heard what she said? He’s really crazy! Do you know what he used to do? Do you know what he believes? A bunch of crazy stuff! Have you seen what she just wrote? It’s crazy! Did you know she believes in all kinds of weird stuff? Like… God? Herself? That’s so crazy!

Yep, it’s me. The queen of crazy strikes again. Or it’s you. Or them. It doesn’t matter, because it’s a club with an open invitation. It’s the I no longer care what you think, club. It’s the I am now marching to the beat of God’s drum, club. The I am now officially labeled as a Jesus freak, club. This club is free, there are no dues, and it comes with a lot of judgement and whispers behind the back.

I don’t care. And neither should you.

Let me lure you in. Let me seduce you with all the intoxicating benefits of living in crazy land with the rest of the crazy people. Let me entice you with talk of all the benefits of being CrAzY. Fair warning: you might get hooked. You might just never look back.

Step out on a limb, and see what I mean. What I am about to tell you might take a leap of faith, and you might even feel yourself falling. But the landing after the leap? Well, if you can imagine what peace feels like, you might just take a running jump.

What does peace feel like, over here in crazy town? Peace feels like a breath of fresh air when you’ve been under water too long. It feels like a crackling fire on a cold and dreary winter day. Like a snuggle with a sleeping baby, like putting your feet up after a long day’s work, like the most comfortable mattress in the entire world while dreaming of puppies, and sleeping a full eight hours. What does peace feel like? It feels good. It feels like home, like hot chocolate, like a full tummy, like security, like no longer living in fear.

Let’s face it. This world is something else. It distracts, it lies, it wounds us. It flat out knocks us on our butts sometimes. Life hurts. It’s hard. Nobody gets it completely right, and some of us screw it up more than others. I know that I have messed up many, many times.

In the past, I used to long for direction, a key to the future. I craved knowledge of what tomorrow would bring so that I could build my walls and protect myself from all of life’s seeming cruelty. I constantly prepared for the worst, expected the worst, sometimes behaved the worst.

All that time I wasted, it was crazy. All that time I spent being fearful, was crazy. Having been diagnosed by several doctors as bipolar, and not doing anything about it, was crazy. People in my life thought I was crazy, but nobody cared enough to say anything, or do anything. They all just watched as I went up, up, up, and down, down, down. Nobody had the nerve, or the courage to stop me.

And that’s okay. I’m not mad. Nobody could have stopped me anyway. Nobody could have stopped me from the wrong kind of crazy, except for the only one who could, the only one who did.

His name is Jesus, and I am absolutely crazy about Him. For once in my life, I’m on the right side of crazy. I’m crazy about the Bible, crazy about loving, crazy about helping, crazy about my hopeful, blessed life.

Except that now, when I am doing better than ever, I get more whispers behind my back, rude comments, and judgemental stares than I ever did when I was a mess, when I was drinking, when I was gambling, when I was overdoing everything the wrong way.

Imagine that. And why is that? Why am I now officially labeled as odd, now that I have gained control of my mental illness, when I no longer drink, no longer gamble, no longer take part in activities that hurt me or hurt the ones I love?

I have experienced a lot of judgement in my life for believing what I do, I always did. Now however, I experience it more than ever, due to following through with what I believe in. I have been called “super religious” in a derogatory way, I have heard people talking about the wierdos who pray before they eat, and I have seriously heard people describe someone else as a Jesus freak. More than ever, I feel like this world has turned against me. And that’s okay. I’m not from this world anyway, I never was. Maybe that’s why people think I am crazy.

Why is it that when there is so much wrong in this world around us, nobody takes the time to do anything about it, but when somebody prays before they eat it elicits a negative reaction? To me that’s crazy. I have a few theories about this.

Theory one: A person who is not living a life that honors God, or others, or even themselves, definitely does not want to be reminded of that by watching somebody who is trying their best to do things right. It is a reminder of their own shortcomings, and people go on the defensive by being offensive.

Theory two: Satan is a very present force in this world around us. His mission is to hinder, to lie, and to destroy any hint of belief, and any desire to do right.

Theory three: The hypocrites. These are the people who like to spout out Bible verses, yet do not walk in the ways that God leads them. These are the very same people, who by being so judgemental, drive people away from the best news ever! The news that Jesus didn’t come to rescue the “perfect” people. He came to rescue all of us, and save us from ourselves.

Just like any other theory, these reasons are my opinions, but they reflect certain experiences I have been through. I have witnessed mean, wrong, judgemental behavior, by christians and non-christians alike, and the behavior puzzles me. I will always be confused by a world that judges somebody for praying before a meal yet stands idly by when a person is hurting another person with words or actions. This world makes no sense to me. I am a stranger in a strange land. I am just passing through, admiring God’s handiwork, His creation, His beautiful mixture of extraordinarily diverse and unique people. Us. The crazies.

I live here in this world, puzzled, but I live in perfect peace. It is a peace that I have craved since childhood, a condition that I longed for, this feeling of safety, love, and security. It seemed to take me forever to get here, and I gained it not by caring more, but caring less.

Wait, what? Caring less? Aren’t christians supposed to care more? Yes. And No.

Let me tell you the secret to a good kind of crazy. To peace. Stop. Caring. So. Much. Period.

Somebody laughs at you because you say a prayer before eating, or because you quote a Bible verse that just popped in your head? Who cares?

People don’t like you so much, because you are different? Who cares?

Times are tough, you don’t know how you’re going to pay for everything and do everything that you need to do? Try your best, but seriously, who cares?

I don’t care. This is the secret to my peace, my happiness, my salvation. I don’t care about what so and so thinks. I don’t care about what so and so does. I don’t even care if money is tight, the problems are stacking up, and everything seems to be a complete mess. I don’t really care. I guess I’m just crazy.

I don’t care, because when everything is said and done, this world, these struggles, the mean people, none of that will matter. The only thing that matters is God. When I open my eyes in heaven, will I have to discuss with Jesus why I didn’t trust Him? Or will we have a celebratory talk about how I did trust Him, and how He was behind me the whole time, during all my trials, and how He guided, strengthened and protected me during my faith? Will I have to apologize to Jesus because I was embarrassed of Him when others were judging me for following Him, and I caved and decided to conform to those around me? Or will we share a smile as I watch a replay of my actions, myself standing tall, standing proud, and honoring my God?

You see, I am crazy because I just don’t care. I don’t care what others think, I don’t care what others do, I don’t care about car troubles, or relationship troubles, I don’t sit and dwell on my worries, or stew in my disapointments. This is because I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God has a plan for me, that He has a path for me, and that when I follow His ways, I will get where I need to be, and get there safely.

This world and all it’s horrible things do not matter. We are all just visitors passing through on our way to our real home. When you start looking at what truly matters, which is the salvation of your soul, and you start looking ahead at your final destination, none of this life’s trivialities affect you quite the same way as they used to.

Sure, I still get worried. What if I lose my job? What if I can’t pay that bill? What if I lose my loved one? Or I get sick? Or someone hurts me? What if? What if?

I stomp those thoughts down now, quicker than they pop up. So what? What is the worst that can happen to me? I can’t pay my bills? I might die? I might lose somebody? These are all real, horrible, frightening things. Yet, when we’re secure with our faith, these are all things that we are able to overcome. I no longer let fear control me, or worry dominate my thinking. I know that no matter what I go through in this life, it can be turned around, somehow, in some way, for my good, even if it doesn’t seem possible at the time.

So I just don’t care. I don’t care about the wrong stuff. The judgemental people. The worries. The troubles. I started caring about the right things. God. What the Bible says. My actions. Helping others. Being the kind of person I was meant to be. I started working with what I had, doing what I could, and not giving up because I didn’t have what I thought was enough. God gives you what you need, and tells you to work with what you have, and when you do, and you do it well? He gives you more to work with.

So yeah, I’m one of those crazy people. I took a leap of faith, and landed smack dab in the middle of true happiness. I trusted, and my trust has grown. I loved, and I am unconditionally loved back. I give and I receive. I judge not, and I forgive, and I have been forgiven. I am blessed, safe, secure, and absolutely crazy. I am crazy about this better life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

God bless,

Nay Towell

If you like what I do, please share! Follow me on Instagram @humblegirl1111 or Facebook at Nay Towell. You can also scroll to the bottom of this page and click on my coffee link. Your support means the world to me! Thank you!

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ?
Matthew 6:27

The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature.
Luke 8:14

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
Matthew 7:1

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
Matthew 5:11

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2‭-‬4

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
Isaiah 26:3

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “cRaZy People

  1. I am bipolar too, among other things. I don’t write as eloquently as you but I have been through similar situations. Keep doing what you’re doing, I love it. You should check out some of my blogs and tell me what you think. I’m new and I don’t know if my writing is good. Of course my family tells me it’s good but I would rather have an honest opinion from an objective party. Thank you for sharing your story 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s