The secret burns inside you, and it makes you miserable. Hiding from the world, all of the guilt, the shame, the remorse, it simmers inside of you. You hate it. You hate yourself.

Lies about this. Lies about that. All of it, building up, threatening to spill over, to escape and destroy this perfectly fake life you have on display.

A little click of the mouse. A deleted text message. A hidden bottle. A long sleeved shirt in the middle of July. Every sneaky move threatens to make you come undone.

You’re constantly looking over your shoulder. Your mind is dwelling on every single mistake, then the lies spill out of your mouth as you hastily try to cover your tracks. You’re hiding. Nobody can know, nobody. How could anybody like you, love you, if they knew? If they knew the real you, the dirty, horrible, lying person you are? If they knew the sneak? Nobody could love you. Could they?

You hear the whispers. The voices telling you to do it. Again. You hear the words, the ones that say, It doesn’t matter, it’s only this once. Or, It’s okay, nobody has to know. Maybe, Everything’s fine, everybody has secrets. Nobody’s perfect.

But it’s not fine. And deep down, in the part of you that the devil hasn’t touched, you know it.

You’re a sneak. The more you sneak, the more you have to hide. The more you hide, the more you lie. The more you lie, the more miserable you become, and that dark misery brings you right back to the very thing you’re hiding.

Sneaking is no way to live. Sneaking is one of the worst feelings in the world, it’s lonely, and it’s sad.

You may think your secret is safe, but no matter how careful you are, there is somebody watching you.

God is watching, friend.

Always. And you know you’ve been avoiding Him like the plague. The more you sneak, the more you hide from Him. You desperately try not to talk to Him, try to not even acknowledge Him. You try your hardest to pretend He isn’t there.

Why?

Because we feel unlovable when we are sneaking.

The shame. It is eating you alive. The devil tells you it’s okay to do something, then turns around and condemns you for doing it. He tells you that you’re dirty. That you’re worthless, and that you are alone. He feeds off your misery like a piranha. Why do you let him do this to you? Over, and over, and over again? A never ending cycle of pain and despair. Quit feeding the devil.

The very person you are trying so desperately to avoid because you feel so guilty, is the very person you need the most. We all do it. We run from God when we are ashamed, instead of running to Him. You need Jesus, friend.

No matter what you are hiding from the rest of the world today, God not only sees it, but He loves you anyway. Nothing is too big, too broken, too dirty, too bad, for Jesus. Absolutely nothing.

Quit hiding. Quit sneaking. Quit suffering! Quit repeating the same thing over and over again. You don’t have to be a sneak!

Just in case you never heard, or in case you never knew, you have a friend who will never turn His back on you, no matter what you’ve done, or what you’re doing right now. Just in case nobody told you, Jesus came for the people just like you, for the people just like me. The sneaks. It’s a fact, Jack.

How do I know? Well I somehow managed to hide my drinking problem, my addiction, from my family for over a decade. Over ten years of lying, shame, excuses, sneaking, guilt and embarrassment. I hid it from my family, and I tried to hide it from God by pretending I didn’t have a problem.

When I binged I avoided the God I love so desperately. I was so convinced that He couldn’t love me while I was chasing a buzz and doing things I’d never do sober. I let the devil tell me I was unloveable, and that I was worthless. I let the devil lie to me every time I took a drink, and every morning when I woke up in a cloud of dark depression. Every time I woke up with a hangover, I lied to myself and said it would be the last time. I was going to get my life together, all by myself, and that was the biggest lie I ever told. I couldn’t do it. Not by myself.

I needed Jesus. Desperately. And so do you.

NEWS FLASH: Jesus loves the sneaks. He loves the liars, He loves the freaks. He loves us all. How do I know?

Because He died for me. Because He died for you too.

Just. For. This. Very. Purpose.

He died so that we can be clean. So that we can be whole. So that you can hold your head up. So that you can be brand new.

Go look in the mirror. Go look past the haunted eyes full of pain and lies. Go and look at the miracle that you are, because God makes no mistakes. You are loved, wanted, and cherished. God has big plans for you my friend, it’s time to let Him do His work in you. Be the miracle you were meant to be.

Now stop sneaking. Now. If you need help with an addiction, then get help. You can’t keep living like this. If the sneaking doesn’t kill you, the stress will. One way or another.

Now tell somebody. If you have anybody you can trust, open your heart, and let it all out. Every single, dirty detail. You would be surprised at how good it feels to tell somebody. To finally release it. If you have nobody you trust, you can message me. All my messages are confidential, and I always respond. I’m here for you, if need be. If none of this is an option, then write it all down. Write out a confession on a piece of paper, leave out no details. Then I want you to burn it. As you watch it go up in flames, imagine all your burdens burning away to ashes.

Let it go. Let every lie, every secret, every ounce of shame go. Lay it all at the feet of Jesus, and let Him pick you up. I promise that if you give Him your pain, He will not disappoint you. In fact, He will go beyond what you even think is humanly possible to restore you, to make you new. He is so glorious like that, and He loves surprising us.

Now, you also need to tell that devil to back off. You are no longer listening to lies, you are no longer trapped by his ploys. Tell him to get out of your life, and scream it at the top of your lungs if you need to, because:

There is no shame in this game. This is the game of your life. We didn’t come to lose, we came for victory. We are competing for a better life, and the final score is paradise. We came to win, and we are fighting alongside the game-changer. With Jesus on our team, we can not lose.

Are you ready to play the most challenging, rewarding, lucrative, amazing game of your life?

Then come on! The rest of us ex sneaks and freaks are waiting for you, and we are cheering you on! The trophy is a better life and it’s got your name on it.

God bless the sneaks. God bless the freaks. God bless us all!

Love,

Nay Towell

(An afterthought. If you just happened to stumble across this and think it doesn’t apply to you, you are wrong. If you have to hide it, delete it, or cover it up, IT IS WRONG, and you know it. Join the Jesus team, and start all over. Today.)
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Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:8

Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.
Hebrews 2:18

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
1 John 1:8

For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth.
2 Corinthians 13:8

Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Savior.
Psalm 38:22

On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Mark 2:17

All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.
John 6:37

But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.
1 Timothy 1:16

Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.
Psalm 30:2

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Deuteronomy 31:8

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 14:6 NIV

But God will never forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish.
Psalm 9:18

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
Psalm 145:18