I want to pick on you when I’m bored, until you laugh or you maybe want to strangle me. I want to warm up my cold hands and toes on you. I want to play pranks, read to you, and accidentally burn you some cookies. I want to watch old action movies with you and plant a garden with you. I want to eat your fries when I think I’m not hungry but maybe I really am, and you will smile because you knew. I want to tell you all my secrets. Even the secretest secrets, because I know you are my safe place. I want to draw you pictures and write you poems. I want you to let me just go breathe sometimes when we don’t really agree and I want you to breathe too. I want you to start to miss me when I go away and I promise I will miss you too. Always. I want to watch fireworks with you on my favorite day of the year, and I want you to tell me I’m pretty in the rain. I want you to think I’m just as cute in hiking boots as I am in heels. I want you to answer the door if someone knocks on it in the dark. I want you to help me count down the days until winter is over. I want you to tell me to knock it off when I’m being a brat and be prepared for me not to listen. I want you to smile when I cry at a sappy commercial. I want you to push me hard when I want to give up. I want to look up to you, not just because you’re taller than me, but because your heart is good. I want you to love children and animals at least half as much as I do because that’s a lot. Maybe even turtles and crows. I want you to watch me chase butterflies and I want you to feel butterflies while you watch. I want you to travel with me. I want to tell you that you can do anything and cheer you on when you do. I want to watch sunsets with you until we are so old that it’s hard to see anything. I want you to believe in wishes. I want to pray for you. Every single day. For goodness and mercy to follow you around everywhere you go. I want you to be my safe place with my mind and my words and my body. I want to be only YOURS. I want you to be only MINE. I want to kiss you goodbye every morning and hello every evening. I want to take care of you when you don’t feel good and even when you do. I want to rub your shoulders when you’ve had a long day and I want you to play with my hair sometimes. I want to listen to your heart when I’m scared. I want to hold your hand at the movies. I want to stand my ground with you about the important stuff and I want you to stand your ground too. I want us to kiss those long kisses when we make up. I want the making up to remind us what’s really important. I want you to like my art, and I want to like your hobbies. I want to show the rest of the world that real love is actually possible and I want the rest of the world to just leave us alone.
But most of all I just want you to exist. I don’t want to wait forever for you….

But I will.

❤️ – Renee River

Written December 2023